Eat (well), Accept, Love

If someone had told me 5 years ago that I would reach a point where I truly accepted my body, and carried myself with confidence and happiness then I don’t think I could have believed them. If I could even have got close to imagining it, then I would certainly have assumed that this would only be true if I had reached my ‘perfect’ body weight and could fit back into my tiny jeans. The thing is though, I have fit into those jeans before, when I was 20 years old, and I can tell you with absolute certainty that I was neither confident nor happy – far from it in fact. So why then was I was always desperate to get back there, despite the fact that to be that way had meant serious food restriction and hours spent in the gym? Why did I think that being that way again would make me feel better: more worthy of love from those around me and from myself!? Well of course it had everything to do with society and the expectations placed on all of us by the media, but it had a lot to do with something else too – it had everything to do with the fact that I had never taken the time to really focus in on my body and all it was. As a little girl I had been brought up to focus on what was on the outside, beauty was a big part of my upbringing, and I defined myself by how others saw me. Clearly I was looking for attention from the wrong type of people though, because I know now that this is not what defines me, and I know that the people in my life who truly love me define me in much more meaningful and extraordinary ways.

 

The main thing though is that I have learnt to love myself. What do I mean by that? Well I have learnt to acknowledge and appreciate who I am as a person for sure: what I do for other people, the things that bring happiness and meaning into my life and those around me. However, it goes beyond this. Since I have really started to take care of my body in terms of nourishing it every day with clean foods, as nature intended them to be, and as my body wants to receive them, I have connected to my body in a totally different way. I no longer think of it as just the physical structure that people see every day, but instead I am constantly aware of the incredible system inside of me. My heart, my lungs, my brain, my cells, my digestive system, the billions of bacteria inside my digestive system which are constantly working away to keep everything in balance, so that I can feel energised, so my mood can be balanced, so my brain can function without a fog, so my body can be clear of disease and illness, and yes, so my hair can shine, so my skin can be clear, so my nails can be strong, and so I am not carrying around excess weight.

 

You see, when you start to show your body some respect, some appreciation then it starts to pay you back.

 

Now before I had Savannah in January this year I had finally reached a place in my life where I was totally in love with my body. I had accepted that my legs are shorter than my torso, and my bum is beautifully round, and actually I had started to be very proud of them – my strong legs and my curvy bottom. I had no guilt associated with the food that I ate as everything I ate was pure, natural, unprocessed, life giving – there was no guilt to be had, but plenty of delicious food whenever I wanted it, and all without counting calories and cutting out fat….just eating real food! I was exercising regularly because I had an abundance of energy and I wanted to move this amazing body I have been given. I was living as all people should live every day, because I was fuelling my body and my mind as each of us should but which sadly so many of us have never been taught to do. My pregnancy was smooth, as had been my first, but unlike with my first I kept very active and of course continued to eat very well (something I had tried to do the first time around too, but I now realise my choices were misguided as they followed more ‘standard’ low fat, calorie counting (aka total load of rubbish!) guidelines). I was unable to do the intensity of exercise I had been doing before pregnancy but I felt strong and well, and indeed my blissful (and I mean that!) labour reflected that (which cannot be said for my first). My body changed of course. However I felt confident that I would be back up and exercising after my 6 week check up, and indeed I was.

 

The problem was though that I unknowingly had set expectations of my body that were not realistic. I was convinced I would just easily fall back into the same body as I had before I was pregnant, because I hadn’t changed my habits or my mindset, so of course it would all just go back to as it was. However, I hadn’t allowed for lots of other factors that were going to impact this. I did start exercising again, but it was too soon. My core strength was weak, my ligaments were still loose, and so I hurt myself doing too much too soon. I felt strong and well, but I hadn’t respected the process my body was going through, and so I injured my knee. This meant all exercise came to an end, even simple things, and slowly but surely I began to despair that I would never get back to ‘me’. On top of this, I had not allowed for the fact that my hormones are boss at the moment. The same happened after I had Caleb – breastfeeding actually leads me to retaining more weight than being pregnant, despite that lovely fantasy that was instilled into me that it makes you lose loads of weight ;-) My eating was the same, yes I was not able to exercise, but (sadly) I rarely get the chance to sit down, and yet my weight was increasing. I was trying to think of all the ways under the sun that I could stop it, it was really bringing me down, but then I went to a yoga class one night about 5 weeks ago and the teacher’s wise words gave me the kick up the bum I needed. I forget what they were but they reminded me to step out of my ego, and indeed I had let this take charge again.

 

You see as a health coach I know what I would say to my clients, but somehow I was unable to apply this to myself. I realised though in that class that the pressure I was putting on myself had nothing to do with my own expectations, but rather my fear of what other people expected of me, mainly because of what I do for a living. Now I am by no means overweight, but I am not as strong as I was before having a baby….stop the press….of course I am not…I just had a baby! A beautiful miracle of a human being – my body grew her, nourished her, nourished me, kept me well and strong throughout the pregnancy and is now slowly healing afterwards. And at the same time it is turning blood into milk (blood into milk!) to grow my little girl into a healthy, strong child.

 

Is my body’s priority to get me slim and toned again – no! My body’s priority is to heal from the pregnancy on the inside, and to nourish my little girl. My hormones are commanding I retain a little more weight so in times of famine I could support me and continue to make milk for my precious child.

 

I remember it was the same with Caleb, and it wasn’t until he was over 1 and eating more food, relying on me less for milk, and when my periods returned, signaling my body was balancing out again, that I began to return back to my pre-pregnancy body.

 

Slow down Rochelle, relax, appreciate, love and respect!

 

That is just it! I had forgotten to apply the acceptance that I work so hard to instill in my clients to myself. In doing so I had started to punish my body by trying to force it to exercise despite the pain in my knee, and I was starting to look at myself in a negative way, which I hadn’t done for so long. That yoga class gave me the jolt that I needed and I had serious words with myself. If I can’t love my body now then when can I? My body needed me to accept it, and to therefore continue to make the best choices to support where it is at the present. We spend so long wishing for an old body we used to have (often obtained by unrealistic means) or a body we dream of, and in turn we punish the miraculous body we have right here and right now.

 

However, if you accept where you are right now, wherever that is for you, not only accept but work really hard to actually love, then you will always make good choices, and in time that will lead you to supporting your body to being the best it can be both inside and out. Self-hate doesn’t get you anywhere, but self-love, now that is life changing.

 

I feel so grateful that I have the mindset and awareness that my blip a few weeks ago only lasted about a week. I am so grateful for this life I live, for the beautiful children my incredible body has created, and for my body itself working away tirelessly every second of the day to keep me healthy and well. I know with time my knee will heal, and I will be in a place where I can move again. Savannah will need less milk, so my periods will return, and my body will rebalance. For now though, this is where I am, and wow am I grateful to be here. I am rarely sick, constantly energised, I have a healthy glow and a healthy weight, and my baby snuggles into me numerous times a day for life giving milk and the most amazing cuddles in the world! My body is amazing!

 

And you know the very same thing applies to your body! Whether you are pregnant, if you have just had a baby, or if you have had a baby years ago, or never had a baby at all – your body is a miracle! I want to say it again because it is – it is a miracle. When you learn all the incredible things I now know about our bodies you can do nothing but honour and protect them! But it all starts with acceptance…and from that will grow true love.