How do YOU feel?

How do you feel?

 

I wasn’t sure what to title this blog, but I think I have sort of summed up it up. I wanted to ask you this question because over the last few years I have realised it is not something we talk about enough.

 

I breastfed my first child, Caleb, until he was 3 and ¾. I am now feeding my little girl Savannah, who is 2 and 4 months, and if she wants to, I will feed her for as long as I fed Caleb.

 

I believe in the benefits of extended breastfeeding (such a funny term, considering many cultures feed this long as their norm, but for us, beyond 6 months is ‘extended’). I believe if you can feed for longer, no, should I say if you feel it is right for you, that it does benefit the child’s immunity, and also their emotional development. Can you give these benefits without breastfeeding? – yes I believe in many respects you can – but for me this has been the right way to raise my babies from infants to young children.

 

Has it been easy on me? No! It has been hard. I have lost a sense of myself in many respects. My body holds onto weight when I breastfeed. I eat incredibly well (no refined sugar, very little unrefined sugar, loads and loads of veg and clean proteins and a balance of healthy fats), and before I had Savannah this kept me at a weight that I felt was my natural, healthy, happy weight. I have not changed how I eat, in fact if anything I eat better now, and yet I have gained weight, and I know I won’t lose it until her breastfeeding journey ends. I work hard on acceptance, I love and respect what my body does for me everyday to keep me alive and well (and my immune health is strong, which I am so grateful for), but ultimately I don’t feel like myself.

 

I know many women lose weight when they breastfeed (and I have some theories on this I would like to test if anyone is interested in sharing their experiences with me) but I also know many don’t, and people don’t talk about this enough. So many women feel body shame because they feel like they ‘should’ be losing weight as they feed, and so I am on a mission to change this and get people talking about the true reality for many. Our hormones are designed for us to retain weight – for in times of famine it will allow us to sustain ourselves and our babies. Interestingly I have noticed as I have massively increased the healthy fats in my diet my weight has shifted a little, and I realise now this could be part of the hormonal lock down. When you don’t have enough good fats, then your body holds onto your own to feed the baby, but when it knows you are eating enough it will let go of your own reserves. All interesting anyway…I will write more about it when I stop feeding Savannah, and have collected more evidence…but for now I wanted to start a little dialogue about it.

 

On top of this the demands of parenting in the way I do mean I have very little time to myself. Even now Savannah needs me when she wakes up at night. We co-sleep too, so this is fine when I am in bed, but hard when I am trying to get a little peace (just a few moments!) with Josh downstairs. We haven’t been for a meal out since she was born, and if she is anything like Caleb, we won’t leave her for the night until at least another year.

 

Now I sound like I am complaining, but I am merely trying to illustrate the point. I am incredibly passionate about the way I parent. I would not do a single thing differently. Caleb is now 6 and a half and incredibly reassured and confident. Many people worry that attachment parenting creates a needy child, but the research and my experience suggests the opposite. Savannah is on her way to this confidence too…I see it and I am proud of the time I have put in to allow it. However, I don’t find it easy. Sometimes people tell me (probably based on social media) that it looks like I float through life in parental bliss. I love that I cook everything from scratch for my family, I love that we co-sleep, I love that I am able to work from home and be with them all the time, I love that I have the privilege to feed them past babyhood, but I have lost a sense of myself along the way, and sometimes that is hard. And this isn’t exclusive to me, or how I parent, I see this in so many women that I work with, however they decide it is right for them to parent.

 

And I know that many mothers feel this early on. Even in the first few weeks of having a baby…having responsibility for these precious beings is intense…wonderful but intense.

 

I coach my clients to find moments for themselves, and to tune in and respect their incredible bodies. I have the awareness through my training to be able to do so for myself (even though not as often as I like). I also believe in the importance of being able to speak about the truth of it all – that communication, woman to woman, is fundamental for our well-being. This is one of the fundamental aspects of the work I do – allowing people the space to talk – to me, or connecting them to other women through the courses that I run.

 

So this week…well my time on the forum is less about asking me questions (although you are welcome to), but more about an open dialogue between us all. Non-judgmental, but honest, raw, real, sharing of our experiences mother to mother, and in turn hopefully helping each other realise it is normal and OK to feel however you feel. We can even brainstorm some improvements together if you like :)

 

With love,

 

Rochelle xx